Rating Personal Communication Style

My self-evaluation of my communication style results stated:

• Listening Skills: I am people-oriented
• Verbal aggressiveness: Moderate- I maintain a good balance between respect and consideration for others viewpoints. I can argue fairly by attacking the facts rather than the person’s character.
• Communication anxiety: Mild- I get a bit anxious in some situations, but most of the time communication is something I do not worry about.

Evaluation from my spouse, my mother-in-law, and my 10 year old daughter Emmy:

1. The all rated me as “people-oriented.” This made me realized I am definitely more interested in listening to people’s feelings than the facts of a story.
2. Communication anxiety: Both my spouse and Emmy rated me “mild.” They know although I am comfortable communicating in most situation, I have slight apprehensions about communicating in a few situations. My mother-in-law, Millie, rated me as “low” or having no anxiety when communicating. This is probably because I don’t share my inner anxiety with her. She knows I am comfortable with public speaking and speaking to others in one-on-one situations, therefore she probably graded me based on her perceptions.
3. The greatest insight was about verbal aggressiveness both my spouse and Millie rated me “moderate” aggressive communicator. Which I thought was how I communicated with everyone. I can argue and stand up for my opinion, but I feel I am fair and not combative. My child disagreed she rated me “significant” or someone who might cross the line to be hurtful. I asked her about how I talked to her and how she felt I spoke to her. I realized that as a parent I don’t spend as much time being careful of communicating with caution as not to be verbally aggressive. It was nice to realize I can change a bit and be more mindful. 

 

Intercultural Communication

Do you find yourself communicating differently with people from different groups and cultures?

Yes. I have a challenging time speaking with people from more expressive and assertive cultures. I was raised to be less aggressive when speaking. I also shy from confrontation. Therefore, when I speak with someone whose normal communication style is upfront and assertive, I feel uncomfortable.

I also have trouble communicating with people who are English Language Learners (ELL) and first language is something other than English. Since Spanish is my first language, I still find speaking English in particular my accent, to make me feel self-conscious. When I have a conversation with someone with a heavy accent, I feel less effective at listening and communicating.

If yes, in what ways do you communicate differently?

I tend to be a non-aggressive communicator and when I encounter assertiveness I feel threatened and intimidated. Many times I stop listening. I hear them, but my inner monologue I am criticizing the style of communication "Oh wow, this person really is too forward and is making me uncomfortable."  Obviously this is my internalized upbringing how we should listen and respect others talking. Raising one's voice is a sign of arguing. Even though I do raise my voice and I can give my opinion, I tend to be reserve with strangers and new acquaintances.

When I am communicating with people who are English Language learners I feel inadequate. I try to listen carefully and speak slowly. I also find that I am not able to read their non-verbal cues as much because I am paying attention to the words. I have had awkward conversation with adult students in my classes or workshops, I try to explain a concept in English using a technical term and I see their expressions of lack of understanding. I feel less capable of supporting their education.

Some strategies to improve my intercultural communication:

1.       Develop motivation- If I build on my desire to understand others, I can be motivated to listening and be more other-oriented.

2.       Develop appropriate knowledge- learn different communication codes to decrease the barriers of communicating effectively with people from a different culture. This might mean becoming a better listener, observer and researching others attitudes.

3.       Develop Skills- Learning to relate to others and practicing communication will help me improve my skills to communicate, not only with people from different cultures, but with everyone I interact with.

(Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2011)

References

Beebe, S. A., Beebe, S. J., & Redmond, M. V. (2011). Interpersonal communication: Relating to others (6th ed.). Boston, MA: Allyn & Bacon.

Learning about non-verbal communication

For this blog assignment I decided to watch a show on MTV called "The Inbetweeners". I have never seen the show before, and I thought it would be an interesting program to watch for non-verbal communication.
The episode starts with a group of (what I assume) teenage boys drumming in an abandoned lot with trash cans and sticks. They look like they are friends.  Based on my observations the boys appear to be friends. They smile, punch (friendly gesture) their shoulder and goof around. Then the four boys go to a car wash run by (what I assume) school teen girls raising money for home coming. The boys display a great number of facial expressions of awe and desire for these girls who are attractive and are wearing bathing suits to wash cars. Based on my observations these girls do not seem to reciprocate the same attraction for the boys. Their expressions and mannerism indicate the boys are not their friends. At one point one of the boys is talking to one girl, while she scrubs down a car. He looks very nervous. She looks very flirty, but then the conversation ends with her shrugging her shoulders and dismissing him. From these 15 minutes of no sound, I can tell this is a representation of teenager communication boys and girls.

Source:http://www.tvequals.com/2012/11/06/the-inbetweeners-season-finale-review-the-dance/

After turning on the sound I was able to confirm my observation. Indeed these four boys are teenagers trying to get attention from girls. Their hormones are raging and from the type of things they say it seems they really are in that stage of trying to impress girls. The only surprise from the dialogue were the things the girls were actually saying back. The conversation between the shy boy, who gets really nervous, and the girl in the bathing suit, who is scrubbing the car, was about the girl letting him know that she wouldn't date him because he is a virgin. The conclusion to this dialogue was that she would definitely had sex with him after he lost his virginity. I was not expecting this. I guess a lot of things have changed since I last watch teen shows!

Although I was able to observe some non-verbal communication and accurately understand some of the relationships between the characters and the plot, I probably would have been more accurate if I had been familiar with the show. At least, I would have known the girl characters were not as dismissive and playing hard to get as I first assumed!

This was a fun assignment. I hope my colleagues enjoyed it as much as I did :)