During the past weeks I have been learning about bias, oppression and marginalization of individuals based on their differences. It has been a great journey to be able to identify and acknowledge how discrimination exists, it is real and not only an intellectual removed concept.
The incident I want to share happened to my wife a few weeks ago... She called me upset because some guy had been very threatening to her. She stopped on her way to work to get coffee from a coffee shop. This has been part of her routine for a while. Apparently this guy was upset she took up the only parking space available in the lot. He got out from his car and followed her inside. In there he proceeded to yell at her to stop acting like a man and accept she is a woman. Then threatened to beat her up. The guy was making so much fuss that the store manager felt the need to escort my wife to safety.
On the phone, I asked why she had not contacted the police. Since in fact he had threatened her safety and it was mainly due to her sexual orientation or gender identity. She was glad to be out of the situation, but had not felt empowered by anyone in that place to contact the authorities. The store was full of witnesses who stood by, listened to this guy humiliate and threatened my wife, yet they did NOTHING. I felt so hurt that in the eyes of society we can witness injustice or hate crimes and people still do nothing.
If I had been present, I would have called the authorities and made this guy realize it is not okay to verbally abuse others because he is uncomfortable with their sexual orientation. It is important to stand up for ourselves and let everyone know it is not okay.
This class has made me realized members of the targeted and oppressed social identities can be invisible; their humanity is stripped away so that the privilege members can ignore their existence. However, it is within us to make this change for our future generations.
Thank you for reading!
Angie
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| My wife, Lan, on the left. Her gender identity is different from the mainstream identity of female. She identifies as a butch, or masculine, lesbian. This has made her target to hateful words and prejudice. |
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| At the Gay Pride March on 2010. Emmy proudly advocates for her parents. Her classmates told her remove this photograph from her writing journal because 'gay' was a bad word. She educated them instead. |
Angela,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this touching story. This world belongs to us all and no one has the right to embarrass the other person. What I consider the bad side of gender discrimination or sexual orientation identity is the approval of the society who at different times witnessed the discrimination,shame and embarrassment of the victims of aggression. Many times, nobody says anything to help the victims of discrimination, the society seems to approve the embarrassment because of the dominant culture. As individuals who are targets of racial and gender discrimination, we must be courageous and take up challenges that will help us to know the stuff we are make up. Attitude matters to bring about a permanent change.
Thanks Mercy! I agree :)
DeleteWow! Angela your family is breaking all bias and barriers. You should be proud of Emmy and your husband for getting out of harms way. Image a world of peace and security where we can go anywhere regardless of our identity and be loved and appreciated. Soon, I hope this day will come.
ReplyDeletePeople can be so rude and cross those boundaries even in public, this fellow showed no respect of character. I hate when things/situations like this happens, especially in a public place. I teach my children to think about the principle before the personalities. My son is a straight cheerleader and he is constantly ridiculed everyday to the point that he may quit his passion that he had since Junior High School. Personally, I think some people should stay at home if they have so many hang-ups and can't show love to a common stranger. That fellow needed to keep the focus on his business and gotten out of your husband's business! Regardless of what people think and do, I instruct my own children to be kind to everyone and show respect to others like you would want that respect in return. Love the post and pictures.
Thanks Jill, I think we all feel insecure about our identity at one time or another. My wife and I appreciate the words of encouragement :)
DeleteAngela, thank you for sharing your story. It saddens and inferiorates me that incidents like this still happen in America. I wish that people were truly aware of the damage they do by remaining an observer rather than standing up for a fellow human who is in need. I hope your wife has not felt the need to change her routine and I hope there is a way she can feel empowered to stand up for herself and to protect herself.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jill. I think the incident rattled her up a bit. She stopped going to this particular store... But I'm not too unhappy about this since sugary fried goods and coffee are not my idea of a great breakfast. On the other hand, it will take a while for her to feel safe once again.
DeleteAngela,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I am sorry that Lan had to experience this humiliation fed by hate and ignorance. I am fascinated at the lack of action on the part of the bystanders. There have been numerous studies about this phenomenon and it is consistently found with all types of offenses. What makes most people remain silent while only a few speak out boldly against them? Fear of escalating this man's aggression? Thinking that it's not their business or that someone else will do it? Do you think if you had been there and spoke up that others would have stepped up to support you?
Thank you Tammra for the kind words. I am not sure if my presence would have made any difference. But I am sure he was able to bully Lan because she was alone. There are studies that show bullies do not target groups, only individuals. Have you seen the show "What would you do?" In this show, actors create challenging situations in which non-actors bystandards react according to their convictions. Consistently it takes one strong person to speak up, or do the right thing and others follow. But if no one says anything then people shy away from interfering. Sad but true we tend to feel it is none of our business to meddle in someone else's conflict.
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